January 2010
166 posts
FML
fmylife:
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML
FML
fmylife:
Today, some drunk dude broke into my house while my parents were out. Scared, I asked him what he wanted, his response was “cookies.” FML
FML
fmylife:
Today, I had to clean my house to hide the evidence of the party I threw last night. I attempted to clean the puke stain on my carpet while still drunk. I didn’t realize until this morning that the All Purpose cleaner I used was actually All Purpose Adhesive. The evidence is now glued to my carpet. FML
FML
fmylife:
Today, I talked myself out of buying $1 candle at the Dollar Tree. That’s how broke I am. FML
FML
fmylife:
Today, I was very sick with a stomach virus, so I went to the only doctor’s office open on Sundays. Even though I was feeling like a pile of shit, I waited for a woman who was walking in behind me to hold the door open for her. She was the last patient they could take for the day. FML
FML
fmylife:
Today, I got home from a family trip to Disney World. I had taken nearly 300 photos of our trip on my new digital camera. As our car pulled into the driveway, I was using my camera to try to delete one unflattering shot of me. I accidentally deleted every picture off the memory card. FML
FML
fmylife:
Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said “You should give the prettier sister the red phone.” My new phone is black. FML
FML
fmylife:
Today, I was wearing a shirt that had a picture of a squirrel and acorns with a caption reading “Protect Your Nuts”. My dad walked up to me, read my shirt, then proceeded to punch me in the balls. FML
FML
fmylife:
Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML
